The Pull.

It has taken me the better part of 5 days to write this blog. I knew I wanted to write something on this subject as it has taken up such a big presence in my awareness, and is a huge part in my life. I felt the pull from within at a very young age. There was always something inside me that would tighten up at the sign of confrontation, or even during love. The pull is something that shows up when you are being guided, and it's valid in all directions.

The pull to me is what keeps you on track. It keeps you moving forward in your souls true calling, your dharma, and I believe that when ignored can actually pull you backwards. Whether you ignore the pull or not, you will be moved. I felt this pull for years before I made the decision to end my recent relationship. I could feel that something wasn't right, and as my heart broke open I surrendered to what was pulling me. I believe that it can come in many forms. It may be that you are wanting to change your lifestyle, maybe even your job, it may even show up in feeling the need to have a tough conversation.

I was moved tonight by watching two women enter into one of those uncomfortable conversations. The one that you don't want to have, but know it needs to happen. These conversations don't usually take place. The idea is there, but the emotional strength it takes to have it brings up enough fear in people that they would rather end a friendship or relationship over it, or worse... act like nothing ever happened...until the next round. The result was a resounding level of relief and understanding, even a new level of trust and compassion. It was absolutely beautiful to watch. Two women who went head on into their fear, dared greatly for themselves and created something beautiful. Head on into the fear that could also have stopped the conversation from even happening, and no beautiful creation to see.

I see people all the time who are being pulled into different directions. What I have learned in the last few months and what I really needed to understand was that sometimes somebody's North is someone elses South. Some people are meant to walk in different directions. I could feel the pull for me so strongly that I could no longer ignore it. I was exhausted of energy from resisting against it. In the end, I was meant to walk alone. What I've also realized in the last few months is that I'm never alone. I have always been surrounded in love. Always. I've just always shut it out. Walking on my own has shown me all of the people who are actually there for me, and that I am truly guided and loved by something Divine and greater than me.

The pull can lead us into directions that are scary. We sometimes wonder who will be there for us, or what others will think if we make the choice. Sometimes the fear is enough to shut us down. The calling inside us is our soul trying to speak, and trying to live out its purpose here. We slow that process way down when we refuse to listen. When we refuse to see what's really there. It can bring up some of our biggest subconscious fears and patterns that we didn't even know we had. There is a gift there. Once you see, you can't unsee. You can't unsee the grip that an old fear has over you, or how wrapped around a belief you are once it surfaces to the conscious part of you. I know of people who sit in shame when this happens. They stay there and unpack their bags. I also know others who choose to do better. I also know some pretty badass people who bravely jump into the depths of themselves wishing to remove any and all fear patterns that they have. This is a goal for me, and something I wish for you.

We are our toughest subject. Not math or science, ourselves. How we live as a human being. Most of the time we are so caught up in everything around us that I believe we use it to distract ourselves from doing the real work. I catch myself here often and have to constantly check in with myself and where my energy is being spent. Self-awareness can be a tough one. Once you start becoming aware of where you are being pulled or what's calling for your attention, it's time to commit. I will also say that not making a decision is making a decision. Ask the squirrel in the middle of the road. I was paralyzed when having to make a decision, but the power of choice is something that I have been given and something I will no longer waste.

I have learned that the best thing to do when you feel the pull, is to take action. Take action and stay in action. When we go back to comfort we can have a tendency to teeter. If I don't stay in action my mind kicks in with it's doubt and fear and rationalization. It will keep me in the place I know best, the comfort but also the place I know how to survive. If I jump into this new life what will happen? I can tell you that it hasn't been easy. You have read that in my writing, but it's also been beautiful. It's been beautiful to see how the world has opened up, and how the love for myself is coming through. This even means allowing others to be there for me. To allow others to love and support me like I would be there for them.

In January I had a journal entry that stated " Having my own place seems like a dream. " As I sit here in my own home temple while writing this entry I am reminded that living a Holistic life doesn't change by something external. Your external world changes when your internal world does. Everything external changed when I started to follow my pull. I encourage you to do the same. Start to trust that feeling inside of you, then take action. What took me 5 days of struggle, ended up taking just enough time for my netipot to cool down and for me to take inspired action and write.

Wishing you all the love in the world, prosperity, and hope you may need to carry on in this beautiful wonderful life <3

Stacy.