Rejection to Self Love

I couldn’t quite put a pin in what I was feeling. I’ve had those moments before, but I can usually find a point of trigger. I could feel the uneasiness in my stomach, I wasn’t sleeping, felt a terrible pain in my lower back and felt irritated for days. When I say days, I mean a week.

I had recently considered whether I was ready to date again, when a cousin of mine recommended a dating site where women initiate the conversation. I had also recently been invited out for a drink by someone around the same time. This would have been the first time I had been out with someone since my relationship ended in February. I thought maybe it was to soon, I wasn’t sure how I felt about it, and here I was presented with an opportunity to go out and see what’s out there. I slowly felt myself feel “nervous”, but realized very quickly that it was actually fear.

The fear of rejection reared its head, and I started to make up a story in my mind. I quickly made up scenarios of what might happen, who I may see, where we may go and what he’s actually like. I created instant anxiety within myself. I even tried to channel my inner firewalker and bust through my fear and go. I remembered what it felt like to feel rejected, and I didn't want that. I caved to it, rather than just going with the flow of the possibility. In the end I just wasn’t ready. Had I not had this experience with this event, I wouldn’t have understood what the past week was about. I had felt this fear rising from my subconscious for the past week, and here it was on Monday finally ready to leave.

I realized through the surfacing of this particular fear that I still wasn’t quite accepting of myself for all that I am. The journey to self-love has been one of the hardest, but also the most rewarding. In this moment I was able to see that the fear of rejection doesn’t just show up in your dating life, but also in other areas to. Maybe you are scared to ask your partner for something, speak up at work, or even share your gifts and talents. I finally realized that for myself to fully go in the direction my soul was calling me on, that I needed to let go of this fear. If I’m scared of rejection, why would I even try?

I think this is why we talk ourselves out of following through on our desires or really working towards something. We assume already that it probably won’t work so we don’t even try. We are scared to put ourselves out there in many ways, and the subconscious is always a stealth culprit. If that belief or fear is present within you, it will show its way in your external world one way or another. I believe part of living a more awakened life, is about seeing and understanding these within yourself and working with them. We could just let go of the fears and go full on with passion into our future.

I realize now that this is what was ready to leave me, and I’m fully ready to accept it finally, and to also thank it for coming up. Had I not had it rise within me, I’m not sure I would have known it was there. Sometimes experiences present us with a particular fear or a mirror to our beliefs because sometimes it’s the only way we know they exist.

I thank my fears; I love my fears, but I‘m no longer chained to them. That is what I wish for you. I wish for you to finally let go of your fears one by one, and find the depth to them within your soul. Let them rise up and leave so that you can fully step into all of who you are, and into your full potential. The work I'm ready to start sharing with families and fellow human can only be done if I just allow myself to move forward, and sometimes that means feeling the fear, find the love in it and continue on.

Wishing you all the love in the world, prosperity, and hope you may need to carry on in this beautiful wonderful life <3

Stacy.